Hello world!

What better way to begin than with the timeless phrase, “Hello, World”?

Since November, my life has been filled with a whirlwind of activities, and I’ve been scrambling to get a handle on everything around me. I started on a journey that’s been so fast-paced and bumpy that I found myself craving a way to keep track of it all.

Blogging may be considered old school, but I guess I’m old school, too—or at least that’s how I feel. Writing has always given me clarity, and people have always provided me with the validation that I exist, that I matter. Of course, I’m not a hermit, nor do I want to be.

I am a banker, a salesman, and a man on a journey of self-discovery. I’m walking towards a goal, but although I have the faintest idea of where I’m heading, I can’t yet see the light at the end of the tunnel. The mental picture is still incomplete, and life, thankfully, is still young.

I’ve spent countless days smoking, drinking, and daydreaming while walking in circles. Sometimes I’ve made progress, but more often than not, I’ve stayed stuck in the same place.

And yet, I am finding comfort. I am a banker, a father, and an aspirant. I am competitive, but I’m also lazy at times. Above all, I want to leave my mark. I have many skills, though I’ll admit I’m also terrible at a few things. I’m becoming both materialistic and stoic, and for some reason, I’ve discovered that these two traits can coexist. When you desire less, you truly flourish.

Like many, I stand at the crossroads of opposing forces. But at 34, I’ve become more self-aware.

I call myself a “people person” because I firmly believe in the value of people-pleasing. However, on the flip side, I’m also drawn to strong leaders and the art of conflict resolution. I’m carefree yet anxious. For most of my life, until October 2024, I even entertained the thought of ending it all by jumping off a local train. But now, I barely recognize that man.

I see my world like a novelist would: black and white, devoid of color—unhappy, sad, frozen, rainy, and dark. But slowly, the colors are beginning to emerge. Emotions are taking over, and I am discovering the real “MAN” within me.

I realize now that I deserve happiness, color, and beauty. I’m uncovering my desires, embracing the animal within me.

I’ve become a public experiment—a blend of personal, social, and business explorations.

And through it all, I seek loneliness surrounded by like-minded people.

So, come along for the ride. Walk in!