Category: old school diary

This is what I learned from my 9 months of struggle as a team leader!

I developed an intense desire to run with the flag and win—to stand on the podium and inspire everyone. To show the world that I am somebody.

And to tell you the truth, I did run for last nine months, flag in hand, determined to win. But I quickly grew tired and realized something important: I can’t do it all alone. Instead of running for myself, I need to focus on building a team.

Achievements are important, no doubt about that. But given the vastness of the task ahead, doing it alone just isn’t feasible. At least through my efforts so far, I’ve come to terms with both my strengths and my shortcomings. I’m an average man with average intelligence. Maybe the only thing about me that isn’t average is my aspiration.

As Scott Galloway says in his book, we should focus on vision and viability instead of obsessing over goals. I need to focus on my vision and how to achieve it as effectively—and as quickly—as possible.

Standing alone at the goalpost is not the point of this journey.

If that’s true, then my focus must shift to team building. Unless I step into the role of a coach and assemble a winning team, I won’t succeed.

Until recently leadership and team building were just buzzwords to me. But after nine months of struggle, I find myself back at the study table, revisiting everything I’ve learned.

I now feel a growing need to motivate my team toward the right kind of goals.

In companies, the goalposts keep shifting. That requires focus, agility, and the ability to align the team with the broader vision. And this is where I see my role—helping my team understand and buy into that vision.

Little by little, I’m finding ways to create small wins that keep my team motivated. I’m discovering opportunities to promote their strengths and highlight their contributions across different platforms.

I’m extending who I am to my team. I’m not a needy person, and I’ve never been attached to material things. I’m developing an abundance mindset, freely sharing opportunities and resources with my team based on who can make the best use of them.

I’m spending meaningful time with my team members. Social events no longer feel awkward because I am myself—and I let them be themselves, too. I don’t hide my aspirations. I don’t reduce teams contributions.

After nine months of struggle, I’ve realized that I don’t need to be in the spotlight. The focus should be on the team. My goals still matter, but their growth, recognition, and autonomy matter even more.

What better way to begin than with the timeless phrase, “Hello, World”?

Since November, my life has been filled with a whirlwind of activities, and I’ve been scrambling to get a handle on everything around me. I started on a journey that’s been so fast-paced and bumpy that I found myself craving a way to keep track of it all.

Blogging may be considered old school, but I guess I’m old school, too—or at least that’s how I feel. Writing has always given me clarity, and people have always provided me with the validation that I exist, that I matter. Of course, I’m not a hermit, nor do I want to be.

I am a banker, a salesman, and a man on a journey of self-discovery. I’m walking towards a goal, but although I have the faintest idea of where I’m heading, I can’t yet see the light at the end of the tunnel. The mental picture is still incomplete, and life, thankfully, is still young.

I’ve spent countless days smoking, drinking, and daydreaming while walking in circles. Sometimes I’ve made progress, but more often than not, I’ve stayed stuck in the same place.

And yet, I am finding comfort. I am a banker, a father, and an aspirant. I am competitive, but I’m also lazy at times. Above all, I want to leave my mark. I have many skills, though I’ll admit I’m also terrible at a few things. I’m becoming both materialistic and stoic, and for some reason, I’ve discovered that these two traits can coexist. When you desire less, you truly flourish.

Like many, I stand at the crossroads of opposing forces. But at 34, I’ve become more self-aware.

I call myself a “people person” because I firmly believe in the value of people-pleasing. However, on the flip side, I’m also drawn to strong leaders and the art of conflict resolution. I’m carefree yet anxious. For most of my life, until October 2024, I even entertained the thought of ending it all by jumping off a local train. But now, I barely recognize that man.

I see my world like a novelist would: black and white, devoid of color—unhappy, sad, frozen, rainy, and dark. But slowly, the colors are beginning to emerge. Emotions are taking over, and I am discovering the real “MAN” within me.

I realize now that I deserve happiness, color, and beauty. I’m uncovering my desires, embracing the animal within me.

I’ve become a public experiment—a blend of personal, social, and business explorations.

And through it all, I seek loneliness surrounded by like-minded people.

So, come along for the ride. Walk in!